An Empty and Full Heart

ty-williams-466945Rejection hurts on any level. I realize I’ve rejected others, but right now I’m consumed with the rejection I personally feel. Humor my narcissism. I need to lick my wounds. It might be the wine in my system, or it might be the end of a long hard week. Fact is I’m feeling really down, and I need to express some drivel for relief.

I have an incredible Jesus who knit me together in my mother’s womb, and I have some incredible friends who surrender their lives to the same Jesus. I have a support network that is eternally strong, and I have a God who moves in and through me. I offer up my deep gratitude to these relationships that are on Earth and in Heaven. I would be dead spiritually and physically if these relationships were not the foundation of my life. I could not ask for more, but in that confession there is a war in my midst that demands I call upon those relationships to conquer the evil angels. Why did Satan reject God? Was there a Satan for Satan? What tempted Satan? What drove Satan out of relationship with a God who is love? How can anyone reject love? How does love restore broken relationship?

When I long for continual stability that only God can bring I pray His presence into any given situation. I realize I don’t have to pray His presence into anything because by default He is I AM. He is everywhere all the time. My sin, my bullying and rejection of others is just as damning as other’s against me. It takes two to tango, and we must take personal responsibility for what our sin does to others. I was just thinking about this passage as I dealt with things of this world.

So do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition let your requests be made known before God, and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I was also thinking about this passage.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

That’s what my soul continually cries out for. I live in a very “seen” culture. My observation is that my culture is fascinated with the seen aspects of this world. What if, and I know some have, we saw into the unseen? I know it’s there, but I’ve never actually beheld it with my own eyes unless God revealed it to me in a dream. And I’m sure He has. I don’t recall it, but that’s not the point. I don’t need to prove to you that God, His angels, Satan and his angels are real. Most of you who read this are believers like me. If you are an unbeliever I’d like you to know that God is pursuing you relentlessly. How do I know? John 3.16 is one reason, and the entire Bible is story after story of God pursuing His children. This is the mind boggling concept. Even after I reject Him again and again He does not stop pursuing me.

As a child I sang yes Jesus loves me for the Bible tells me so, but let me share some more of that song that’s not so kid like.

Jesus take this heart of mine make it pure and holy Thine. Thou hast bled and died for me I will hence forth live for Thee.

My heart and mind are filthy. My heart goes after other things besides my Father. I forget constantly that Jesus paid a debt for me on the cross that I can never pay. I got something for nothing. Do you know how much Satan tries to convince me that I have to earn everything I get? I’m a man for Christ’s sake, and I better bring home the bacon! The evil angels I battle hammer this minute after minute into my brain! Is it wrong to want to provide for my wife and daughter? Hell no! But my worth comes from the fact that the blood of Jesus makes me matter whether I make money or not! And His resurrection gives me hope even when I’m at rock bottom.

I refuse to take my own life, have an affair on my wife, steal, lose my temper in traffic or cause my daughter to stumble not because I’m strong enough. Like the first step in any recovery group says I am powerless. I am powerless without my LORD and Savior to conquer my evil angels, overcome temptation or not flip someone a bird in traffic. I’m proclaimed this next proclamation all over the U.S. I cannot pull myself up by my own bootstraps. I never have, and I never will. I am weak, and every part of me is moving toward a physical death. I don’t fear this because I will be given an immortal body on Judgment Day. I won’t even have to drink blood like Edward and Bella! Carey and I will not be married in Heaven, but I guarantee you we will know each other. I can only imagine. Wow!

Don’t you long for that? Don’t you long for the day when depression will not be part of our reality? Don’t you long for the day when no illness will be present, and we will dwell with our Father forever? That gives me comfort beyond anything this world can give me. I do not for one minute want to stay here forever. I have no interest, and the epic fails I’ve experienced are evidence that this is just a stopping place. Others have failed me, I’ve failed myself, and I’ve failed others. Why in God’s name would I want to camp out in a place like that?

I’m longing for the new Eden. I want to walk with God, Jesus, the Spirit, Abraham, Issac, Jacob, Joseph and Ronald Reagan on the new Earth. Actually I’d like to talk to Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill too. I’m sure that list will grow. I digress.

My God is such a good God. Life can get pretty terrible here, and it has and it will, but His presence is greater than anything this world can throw at us.

My worst nightmare is losing my daughter. My friend Ty lost his only son, and there’s not a day goes by I don’t pray for my dear friends who have lost children. I would imagine it hurts like hell everyday. I pray I don’t have to go through that, but if I do I know He is more than capable to sustain me because once again this life is a stopping point. Our final destination is a place so wonderful that not even the book of Revelation can do it real justice. My friend Ty will be re-united with his beloved Ty, and the tears will flow with an abundance of happiness because never again will they be separated.

When you grieve with others you don’t have to say a word dear ones. All you have to do is look us in the eye, hug us, and genuinely ask how we are doing. Those three things are what Jesus continually does day after day for those who suffer pain they should not have to suffer.

Sin entered this world, but so did Jesus, and His life is proof that there is so much better to come.

I love you all.

2 thoughts on “An Empty and Full Heart

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